complains...

Love is such a stupid thing..you know there is a girl..I met her at my previous office..I used to care for her so much like I never did for anything else, unfortunately she was engaged with sm1 else..however I never expected her to love me but  I thought we could be very good friends, but I found out that regardless of whatever I did for her she was not ready to accept me as a friend and not only as a person of use..she finally broke my heart when she didnt do a simple thing for me..I made a cute pencil sketch of us nd told her to paint it as it could be a good souvenir of the good time for both of us..she simply forgot it, and even though I reminded her several time about that..she never really did it..and I found out how less valuable I was to her..so I just tried to move on...I even had to leave my office because things got really messy as I used to protect her so much etc..so yesterday I left my office and she never said a single word:( I tried my best not to show my sadness but I guess I am never really so good at hiding my emotions. Although the relationship between me nd my colleagues has not been very well, but I guess there was something, something worth caring for..at least on my part! Yes, I was sad because my colleagues didnt even come to say good bye to me,at times I felt like I was going to cry but I controlled it....maybe I wanted to say "friends, dont misunderstand me, things really got out of my control...maybe the fault was on both our part but I would like to take the blame for you,because right at this moment I am feeling for you all nd I willb missing you"' but no one came..I know I could not say these things even if they came to me,  it's hard to talk when you deal with so many emotions..but that girl didnt even look at me for once, so yesterday was not a very good day for me. So just a few minutes ago I did a bad thing, I opened her(that girl) gmail to see if there was anything she had chatted with someone about me(offcourse I felt like a stalker!), and found out a few pinterest pictures..like images of cute bracelets,accessories..and suddenly I felt like if I could buy them for her..love is stupid nd I hope to forget her soon   

I wish..

This is why I  dont feel very comfortable in festive seasons :) , you got to have friends to enjoy it, nd I dnt have one...I am just tired of looking for excuses, maybe I am the one who is wrong. Although I am always ready to help anyone, but I guess I am too much boring to hang out with..well sorry for that, it's just my life that has made me like this...when I am on fb, I secretly stalk in others profile to see their friends pic and how they enjoy their moments, and I try to imagine myself with them :D I know its not right to do this, but thats how I try to be happy :) I wish I could ask for a friend, a true friend as a gift from santa this Christmas, but it's not possible lol....happy Christmas to you all...dont let your friends go away ever, they are priceless...trust me :) xx

You cant see what I dnt want to share with you

Dont you just hate when people assume too much about your life? Although they haven't lived our life,haven't gone through our pain but still somehow they convince themselves to believe that our life can't be that hard and we are just over reacting retards..well when they do like this, I simply say nothing..because my life is not like a movie that I can show you just like that, or I just consider you as a heartless idiot who is not sensitive enough to me, so you are not allowed to enter my world...go on, do whatever you are best at..doing assumption and hateful comments. But the thing is that people like me are way too sensitive and this world is not an easy place for us...off course life is hard for everyone..but for us..we try to see good things about life, we try to do good for others...but even a single harsh word is enough to ruin our moment, we take by heart and it cuts inside, so imagine what happens when such a person has life full of betrayal,sorrow,illness and abusements...my soul bleeds all the time and sometime I just want to change myself, but I know that a good soul is a gift from god, and god knows I am trying hard to protect it..this inner conflict is just way too hard than what you imagine. It's very tough to lead a normal life when you see every damn concept of ethics and humanity fade away, and you realize that there is really no difference between animals and human beings, then you are left with only one question..why to suffer like this to live such a life, what's the meaning of it? So here it is..all I want you people to do is to leave me alone..I have been living a pathetic life, dont just judge on what you see from outside, had you been the right person, I would let you dig deeper to know about my life, but you are not! So just move on and let me deal with my life.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

well I think today is the coolest day in the recent years, we couldnt see the sun throughout the day, so I played global terror..so it was a boring day as usual. A minutes ago I went outside to have a walk just to see how much cold it was, I wore nothing but a shirt and trouser, brrrr..it was really cold,everyone was looking at me cuz its weird to see someone without warm clothing in such a cold weather, hehehe, honestly I was smiling a lot cuz I was enjoying the biting cold nd now when im back in my cozy room, suddenly im feeling cold lol. Tomorrow hopefully I will get my release note from my old office.lets see..

Why I created this blog

So today is 22.12.2012, literally the world was supposed to end yesterday but it didn't. And I really feel sorry for that, perhaps it should have ended and everything should have started from the beginning because this place , the whole world has already rotten. I am pretty sure that perhaps it's not the end of the world but the end of the concept of "human being, ethics,love" everything which make us human, has begun. In my country, the place which god has left long ago..women are getting raped, molested, they are being killed by inserting iron rods in their private parts, some are being kidnapped and getting raped everyday and then are being dumped on the road, bloody and without clothes, and people just pass by her,not even bothered to cover their body...rape happens in every country but the difference is that in our country when the rapists get caught, they are taken into custody for a very lengthy trial process and at the end of that, the maximum punishment they get is life imprisonment (14 years), which then afterwards is reduced to max  8 years by any judicial court judge...leave it, it's not what i intend to discuss here..it is because what I see around me..too many potential rapists and perverts around me, living a normal life but capable of doing the same whenever they get a chance!

Our country is run by corrupted politicians, 150 years old law, and cops who think it's their right to take bribe because they get 'less paid'...so should i be worried?? well I guess I am a misfit in this hypocrite society and therefore yes I am worried about whats happening, there is no law, common people, cops and the criminals know it but still it amazes me how nonreactive a whole society can be, how they have managed to live with this situation..i cant believe what I see but its real world. Someone rapes a woman and her family just hide it to escape from social humiliation, and if you go for complaining to cops, they will stare at your body with that ugly look in their eyes..literally your whole life gets raped. And when talking about this I dont think people are at all concern about a thing, it's called respect...when you get raped against your will, you mentally get broken,and whats gone is gone forever.

I travel in local bus, and I see how people try to touch women's private parts, or stare at those areas..it's a situation where you cant do anything unless they assault them physically,but it's equal..what else to say..it's like so many things going on in my head but not able to write them all in here..but finally I have decided something...I cant change myself and I cant remain  silent either, i have found out why people are getting so furious..it's only because they know there is no one to stop them.Fear is the only thing that can stop them, resistance is what needed right now, iron hand resistance...if i had a 9 inch knife in my hand, I know I can injure or kill at least one person even if they were 4 or 5, most importantly these bastards are basically coward and thats why they don't do this crime alone, it's the duty of us to show them that we are men, real good men but with weapons in hand and we wont mind sharing our blood to cut off your hand or an eye. I have decided to buy a knife and to keep it with me all the time, it's not illegal to keep a knife with you according to the law therefore I am gonna do this for the sake of my  and others defense.wish me luck, I have gone crazy because I love you all..